Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Monthly Airing of Grievances

So my mood’s been up and down like a whore’s drawers* for the past 48 hours. I just ate barbeque chips for breakfast and had half a tub of PC Loads of Chocolaty Carmel Treats Ice Cream for a 2 am snack. (Yah, I know I spell it differently every time I write it. Got a problem with that?) I have been up for three hours, spent about five minutes with spouse and have allowed the word “divorce” to enter my brainspace approximately 67 times.


HA! Like I have to tell you.

In keeping with being a living, breathing cliché for a few days, I will now proceed to rant.

Along with the usual happy days histrionics, I also have the shakes and hallucinations thanks to my Blackberry DTs. Yes, my BB took a Dantean tumble and no longer calls (pun intended) the land of the living home. Bell Aliant has been most helpful in solving the problem. (That particular device is called SARCASM in case you don’t recognize it or have never been a Bell Aliant customer.) I really can’t talk more about it without running the risk of adding many buckles to my fall fashion statement (who says no white after Labour Day?). Suffice it to say, if you have a spare BB you’re not using, please holla.

Now, our old computer is slow. I get that. But I loathe when I get the “This program is not responding, wait or end now?” message, and I press “end now,” and then it runs an hourglass for twenty minutes before shutting down. I’m sorry, but what part of “end NOW” did you not understand, mofo?

I move on to shiny new (less than one-year-old) computer. Start to open things and then get the WHITE SCREEN OF DEATH. WTF? Have I dropped into José Saramago world or something? Who has a white screen of death? Blue, yes. Black, yes. White? NO! Argh.

I restart and pray the new computer hasn’t followed my Blackberry to its final reward. In the meantime, I revisit the old computer, press a button and—just so I know the entire universe has not gone completely pearshaped—BLACK SCREEN OF DEATH. Seriously.


That’s sooo enough for today.

Happy Effin’ Festivus everyone. I’m off to enjoy the PC Loads of Chocolatey Carmel Treats Ice Cream course of my breakfast.
* Props to my friend’s dad Bill, who used to shout this at us as we pounded up and down the stairs of their house.


Anonymous said...

Jodi dearest Jodi, may I first suggest you ditch the ice cream for I believe the sugar contents are making you crazy! lol Love this blog, keep it going, it makes me smile to read it. I can hear your voice when I read and see that ohhhh so sarcastic look upon your face when most appropriate. Can't wait to check in tomorrow to see what's new :).....MISS YOU- Paula

Jodi R. said...

I won't be able to post every day, but should be able to swing 2-3 per week. Glad you can hear my "voice" coming through!
Talk to you Sunday...

Anonymous said...

LOVE,LOVE What you're Doing. But I think you NEED a Night OUT with the Day Clan and Nikki's BLACK BAG. LOL You Take Care and tell Pippa I Love Her costume Design. Saw the real one last night.Your Mom had a Smile on her face a 2 by 4 Couldn't Take Off. Now Get those Shoulders Back and Tell The World,Blackberry and computers to Shove it. Bob

allison said...

Glad I was able to make your day so much better! It was like the cherry on top, wasn't it?

Jodi R. said...

Can't wait to see the costume Bob! What a hoot! And I am definitely down with the Days and Nikki's liquor bag - bring on the porn stars! (And I totally just pushed my shoulders back! lol)

Yes Allison - definitely the cherry on top! lol Thank Yaweh Tuesday's over!!!!!!!

Michelle Magee said...

Jodi- Loving your blog.... You have me laughing....I can just hear you too....I miss you!! Godo luck with the dieting!

Jodi R. said...

Thanks Michelle - I miss you too!

Krista V. said...

And we think all this technology simplifies our lives:) Sorry it's been such a headache for you, Jodi, and I hope those Bell Aliant people finally figure out what they're doing. Thanks again for linking to my blog!