Monday, December 6, 2010

Rescue Pounds

Wanted: Good, loving home for four pounds.

I have enjoyed bringing them into the world, raising them, nurturing them, carrying them close to my heart (they love to nestle right into my belly—so sweet!), but I no longer have the energy to keep them. Plus, I already have so many pounds to take care of already—these lumpy little sweeties need someone with fewer pounds of their own so they can get the attention they so desperately crave.

I know there has to be somewhere out there for them, but I must say, it won’t be easy parting with the little buggers.

Truth be known, I’ve been trying to find a better home for them for years, but they refuse to stay anywhere I leave them. I’ve walked for miles and miles and miles to find them a good place, yet they STILL manage to track me down and cuddle right back on to the Buddha belly they love so much. I’ve tried leaving them at a lovely Pilates studio, the Dalplex pool, Point Pleasant Park—they just don’t seem to be happy anywhere else but with me! (And who could blame them—am I right?)

But I know there must be a forever home out there that is willing to rescue these darling ones. I’ll be honest with you, they do take up a bit of space and they love to be fed lots of rich, fatty food. But the return is worth it—I mean, is there anything better than cozying up to a few extra pounds in the winter? And, it’s soooo delightful when they line up around your waist, end-to-end: it looks like—I don’t know—like the top of a muffin! Or a life preserver ring! ADORABLE!

I’ve thought long and hard about this and I feel this is my last resort. I can’t stress enough how much I love my little poundies, so I only want them to go to a home where they will be appreciated for how special they are. These aren’t work pounds or show pounds (although everyone will definitely see them—they don’t like to hide!), so that perfect someone needs to be willing to lounge around on the couch with them, or bring them right to the table and hand-feed them the delectable goodies they so love. I guarantee if you do these two things alone, they will love you for LIFE!

(I may be kidding myself but I think if I can find a good home—or homes even—for these fellas that it might be easier to start finding homes for the rest of their siblings. My selfish goal is to be an empty nester—oooh, but I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet! I get chilly just thinking about it...)

I can deliver them to you as soon as you like—let me know where and when I’ll be there lickety-split.

Right after I finish this snack.

Thanks—you won’t be disappointed!


Anonymous said...

Maybe there may be a good home for my pounds. I am really in need of giving them to some who will look after them as well as myself. - Janet D.

Jodi R. said...

Get in line! lol

Or maybe we could start a home for wayward pounds!

Susan said...

What?! No footnotes??!!
Susan D. exRushdie

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

LOL! I'm gaining a lot lately. You can send them my way. I can give them a good home for another month and then pass them onto my baby through the milk supply after she's born. :)

Do you need my mailing address?? I honestly think I'm the perfect candidate.


Jodi R. said...

LOL - I've got to keep changing it up, SS*, lest you all get complacent! Don't worry though - I'm working on a post with plenty of footnotes and loopy digressions...


*Salman Susan

Anonymous said...

If this works please let me know!!! I have tried every thing else!!! Love it!!
Nancy S.

Jodi R. said...

Thanks Nancy - it worked!

New blog coming soon .... errr... some day....